Ray, We Are Yours

Nov 13, Tue; Harbin City, China

Rose has been sharing some of the posts, and when those are combined with the support we’ve received directly via email…our cup overflows. Thank you dear friends and family. It means more than you can imagine having such good people walk with us.

A particularly special friend to our family is Gianna Bellante, the eldest child of Jim and Angel, who adopted their son Mario this past June. Below is a sweet poem she wrote yesterday.

This is the day,
to shout hooray!
Welcome, welcome little Ray.
Thank you god for this miracle child,
his connection to your grace is not simple or mild,
but extravagant and terrific.
Larger than a huge ship!
Welcome, welcome little Ray.
Thank you Lord, for this miracle today.

Their family – which also includes Mia and Geno – has been praying for our son before we even knew he was our son, and I can’t wait to write the chapter of what our families mean to each other. Thank you Gianna, you are so good to us and to Ray!
It was a miracle yesterday, and we experienced it unfolding even further today, amazed by the many moments with purpose. And yet, my heart is more than a bit heavy at this moment, and I wonder where the energy is to come from to give justice to a little boy named Ray Seeley. I just read on our Waiting China Families (WCF) ListServe that a father died yesterday in Guangzhou, China…while traveling with his wife to adopt their first child. It is not appropriate – nor possible – to imagine what the wife is going through as I write, as you read.

***********

Little Ray is asleep now, finally. It’s been a long day for us all. I’m still doing that 4-5 hours tightrope walk, and Ray is adjusting as best a little boy knows how. My dad is being wonderful the whole time, loving his new grandson.

A new he is. Today Ray is officially adopted! After breakfast we left for the Civil Affairs Office again, and arrived at the same time as yesterday, 9am. We were whisked into a different building so Ray and I could have a our pictures taken for a the official papers. That was all of two minutes, and we were back across the way and in the same large conference room as yesterday.

There were three segments to the morning. The first was with the Civil Affairs Director, then with the Orphanage Director, then with the Notarial administrator; even so, they all served the purpose to make the adoption a reality for our family. I like how the Chinese use the special red ink that seals ones signature with a thumbprint.

There were pictures, pictures, and more pictures, and not just from our side. Both Directors had a genuine care for “Dang Fu He” and wanted pictures for posterity sake. The first one from the morning was for more than posterity, and just because it was portrait instead of landscape it needed to be re-shot. No worries, and no need to go back over. They just unfurled a red flag-like sheet as a backdrop and took a new one.

I was also able to use this time to ask any questions I could of the Orphanage Director. Fortunately Rose had a list of 43 questions for me to ask…unfortunately I forgot the darn thing (it was sitting in a special place in the hotel room so I wouldn’t, er, forget to bring them.). Okay, if I am the dad it must be expected I’m going to do dad-like things. But back to the fortunately/unfortunately ping pong thing…fortunately I had read most of the questions and could hold the discussion with a purpose.

The key questions really revolved around trying to learn something, anything about Ray’s past. It would be nice to report they found him at this spot, wearing these clothes, and here’s the note that was attached. I can’t. Two great things, though, are that they will be taking us to the general area where he as found; also we received a copy of the newspaper containing the abandonment announcement. That should have some difficult but cherished details, and its being translated by May tonight.

Then the question was asked, “Do you have any more questions?’ I was nervous on that one since it was very clear to me I asked something significantly short of the 43 questions. I know that is written in seemingly humorous fashion, but it’s not meant to be. This was our only shot to learn as much as we could about our boy, and I hadn't fully done the job. The best way around it was to ask what I had asked three other times but received no response: “May we visit the orphanage?”

The Director answered my question with a question: “Are you very, very sure you want to visit the orphanage? I’m not certain of why she asked this, but it could have been based on the apparent thought of visiting a child’s orphanage so close to Gotcha Day that possible trauma and confusion can be created for the child. I respect this, and yet see a competing reality for the parent to “see” where their child was raised, so that the details can be shared in time. The second has to supersede in my mind if at all possible.

The Director agreed, and said today from 2:40pm to 3:00pm was the only time. We packed up our belongings soon thereafter and headed to a local department store to pick up some items we needed; in addition, my father purchased a digital camera as a donation to the orphanage. From there we had lunch at the hotel, and then left for the place Ray has spent the first three years of his life, save for his first week.

I had certain thoughts of the orphanage based on conversations Rose and I have had with Jim and Angel, since they had visited when adopting Maro (Amazingly, Mario and Ray were roommates and classmates less than six months ago.). When we arrived our van sat outside the gate for about ten minutes while it was confirmed we could enter. We entered by foot, as no cars were allowed passed.

At three stories high and easily several hundred feet wide, the orphanage was huge, as far as I was concerned. We entered through the double-doors and were immediately taken into a large conference room just on the right, and we waited for the director. Ray didn’t appear phased or nervous by being there.

The director came in minutes later and was just as gracious as before. It is clear the adoptive families are appreciated in Harbin. During the next ten minutes I was able to get all the questions Rose and I answered since the list was on me this time around. One key question was whether they recommended anything specific and special to Harbin that we should obtain for Ray. I was surprised with their answer of “no,” which was followed by statement that we’d receive a keepsake from the orphanage.

We were able to tour a modest but important part of the orphanage. Dad, May, and I were led up the steps to a landing that had a huge glass wall…which fronted the classroom/multi-purpose room for the orphanage. Ray had spent much time in there. And I immediately realized this was where Jim and Angel had laid eyes on Ray in June! This time, too, there were children in the room...they stood up the moment they saw the commotion. It was all a blur for me as about 15 children left their chairs and came over to the door, to see Ray, maybe to see Hope. Our guide was already on the move down the hall, which made that encounter so very brief. There was sadness in my heart and mind, yes; yet I’d be remiss if I didn’t say the orphanage clearly cares well for the children. This is evident by the general cleanliness and tidiness of the facility, but more so by the reality that Mario Bellante is a gorgeous gift to his family, as is Ray to ours. We must appreciate the role the caretakers played in their lives.

In a minute I found myself in the room Ray slept in. It was maybe 20 feet by 30 feet, with 13 beds: two rows of five, and another three spread out along the walls, one of which had large camel painted on it. The beds were white, with pink comforters. “Which was Ray’s?,” I asked. She pointed to the second one in the second row. Which was Ray’s – that past tense was only available for use as of just yesterday.

With that we found ourselves back downstairs in the conference room, having been gone from it for no longer than seven minutes. The time was ending for our visit, when a most wonderful gift was offered from the director for us, for Ray. Inside a beautiful mauve-colored box with gold silk lining was a small glass block with an etching of the Harbin City Children’s Welfare Institute. Indeed what a keepsake that will be. We then offered the camera to them, which already had a picture of Ray and me in memory from the department store. The director added another one, a group-shot.

Outside we went, maybe not never-to-return, but certainly leaving for good. There was a genuine like for Ray by the Director and the caretaker, but no tears were shed; they likely can not emotionally afford to be attached to children.

As we walked by across the expansive front yard, pictures were snapped. We were allowed to take them of the outside. The gate drew neared, as did the waiting van, with Song ready to take us back to the hotel. I turned for one last shot of the only building our son knew, besides a Civil Affairs Office…and a hotel. As I readied the shot Ray tapped me on the arm and pointed to van on the other side of the gate. My dad was already in. May was already in. My boy seemed to say, “Hey Dad, we need to go.”

…It was another emotional day. Again, the support received by all has been tremendous. Rose tells me 30-some posts are up just from yesterday, God Bless. A picture of Ray and me from Gotcha Day holds prominent position on the WCF ListServe front page.

Our friend Amy from Texas placed it up there. It’s the one with tears running down Ray’s eyes. To share, I didn’t understand why she had to place such a sad face up there. It turns out, she’s smart not just because she went to law school, but she is wise because as an adoptive mother she knows the heart of an orphan. Tonight Ray cried himself to sleep in a low, sad, and frightened way, his eyes as big as an owl’s in the dark. And he's been tossing and turning ever since.

I once read an excerpt from a Robert Frost interview that he gave when he was around 80, whereby he was asked the classic, “What is the one, most important thing that you have learned throughout your career?” His response was, “Life goes on.” I know what he means, we all see what he means, and it applies – sometimes perfectly, sometimes harshly. Tonight, with my boy’s tears, and the heart of a lonely woman in Guangzhou nearly gutted out by the loss of her husband, it's not always clear how it does.

But it does. By the Grace of God. For there just isn't any other way.